| Crossbow Happy and Deliberately Infected with Anthrax |
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[25 Nov 2009|07:31am] |
I WANT TO BE HER!!!
New writings are up on the sex blog
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| smooches, hooches. |
[22 Nov 2009|08:11am] |
-Raf came over. I am so pleased I got to see him before he moved. My cat(zelda) shit on me. I was showing Raf how she could do Cat yodeling and she started crying and I felt bad and put her down. Then I noticed a horrible smell.. I was like awww kitty you farted!!! then I sat down and noticed my stomach was wet.. She had diarrhea all over me!! CUE SCREAMING!! while I'm panicking Raf is busy laughing his fucking ass off. I would have to.. had I not been in shock. Raf I should have just given you a big fucking hug and then went to change my clothes.
-I had a physical for my new job..poor nurse had to sit through 2 hours of my bladder being shy. 4 redbulls later it finally came out swinging. What I found odd was even though 1 of the stipulations of my jobs is that I have to be able to lift up to 75 lbs repeatedly they did not give me a lift test. HMMMMMMMMMMM at least they don't mind my crack dependancy.
-Dan and jessica came over.. JESSICA IS GONNA GET HER ID SOON!!! ::flails::. An event I am most unhealthly excited for.. Jessica.. I'm gonna take at least 6 years off your liver. Dan.. you too.
Ok so after the 1st. I will have an entire week off work!! because I do not staet my new job until the 8th. I plan on being drunk...lots of drunk..
whose with me?
Also.. I need someone in the lansing area who semi-experienced with welding . so you can enable my ..er.. habits.... I also need someone with back-alley abortionist tendencies.. so you can help me give birth to this ass baby i got goin' on.
edit:
Andrea/Andy/RobRob came over!!! i drank .. they got molested by my cats!! everyone wins!
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[18 Nov 2009|07:51am] |
Tubgirl ain't got shit on me.
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[14 Nov 2009|08:10pm] |
I received this one last night:
- It's bitch up in this drunk where thefuck are you? Exclaim LADYPROBLEMS! and get the fuck out here!-
obviously josh knows my secret method for getting out of jams.
I also rather tired of my skin. I would like to make some holes in it and either fill them with ink or a tasteful hunk of metal.
.....oh and I have a secret! it's a delicious one...with a terrifying coconut center!!
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| INDUSTRIAL FUCKING BAGPIPES |
[12 Nov 2009|05:59pm] |
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Cuts marked in the march of men-Coheed and Cambria |
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BAHAHAHAHA i love it!
Since today was my day off and a certain ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) meowberry didn't call me back I was forced to force myself into the tub and begin the long neglected grooming of myself..when I get depressed and.. god i've been depressed.. my legs get hairy and shit. I even said to Zac " Wish me luck I'm shavin my asshole"!
I have nothing to lose by stating this as he ain't gonna fuck me..he's got a migraine tonight, which is supposed to be a chick excuse.. GAWD I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SUCH A DICK!!!!
anyway the shaving of my pubis.. and person went well, until I came to contemplate my eyebrows. I don't care about my eyebrows normally..they are blondey-brown..you can't really notice them but for some godawful vanity fueled reason..I decided to tweeze them. It did not go well.
I fail at being a woman. and my eyebrows are fucked up.... I need to be a hermaphrodite..then fucking myself would be normal.
Also: Dear Lady Gaga,
Your song "Pokerface" makes my cats howl..everytime I play it and you say PPPPPPOKERFACEPUHPUHPUHPOKERFAAACE..howling. Just figured I'd get that out there. All 4 cats..in unison.
Elle
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| There's a leak,there's a leak in the boiler room. |
[10 Nov 2009|07:44am] |
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I now have a sex blog
So comment if you want the URL..
all comments will be screened
Edit: HUGE response!! I'm flattered you guys are so interested. It might take me a little while to get back to all of you so please check your lj messages..
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| Catwank |
[09 Nov 2009|01:25am] |
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forever fades away-Tiger Army |
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Presenting the sheer majesty and size of my cat
Aww he's just like his momma.
We bombed the apartment again AGAIN! nasty little fucking flea fuckers won't FUCKING DIE!!...and the screaming..oh god the screaming!! We dipped the cats, from the screaming you'd have thought we were trying to drown them. Now they are crouching and peeing in various places of the apartment with fear. My next plan of attack is to shave them all.
I will need someone with bravery in their heart and a whip and a chair in hand. I gots the electric razors!!
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| Mixed Signals Much? |
[03 Nov 2009|05:36pm] |
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Henry the Eighth-Herman's Hermits |
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Last night at work, I was treated to the sexual advances of a 275 lb ex military lesbian who accosted me on my break.
After regaling me with tales of how she use to take in young military guys and give them *free* room and board.
"In exchange all they had to do was me once in awhile, I'm a good person...I feel like I'm servicing my country again..supporting the troops."
She then gave my thigh a good squeeze and asked if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime and pick up military guys. I explained how I like seamen on my poopdeck..that I was into Navy guys.
I wish I could quit the weird, We'd get in a huge fight and the police would come and take the weird away and they'd wrap me in a blanket and give me a mug of hot cocoa and they'd say "It's alright,Elle..it's all over now..it's alright."
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| Creepy Crawlie Cunts |
[30 Oct 2009|03:35pm] |
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I don't know how it happened, seeing as how we take better care of them,then we do ourselves and they are indoor pets, but the cats have fleas. Zac and I are going to get some Frontline today...but if that doesn't work we are gonna bomb the apartment. As it stands I regretfully will not be having anyone over until this is cleared up..and seriously, why would you want to !!?? just the thought makes me itchy.
Edit: ..and the clouds opened up and God said " Fuck you Elle...fuuuuck you!"
I was sent home from work, anyone else having problems with their GI tract shooting out of every possible hole? happy fuckin halloween..fuck.
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[27 Oct 2009|09:02pm] |
I drove on the expressway yesterday....I'm doin 80 and my mother is saying the Rosary and glancing at me every time the line " and pray for us sinners" comes up.
My Halloween Costume is awesome. Now I just gotta find somewhere to go where they will get the joke.
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| This is it boys, this is war. |
[22 Oct 2009|06:33pm] |
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Little Red Corvette-Prince |
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GODAMN! I love living here! everyone's all fuckeduptarded! The other day police were combing the woods and we are all rubberneckkin like crazy..That big boom we heard was indeed a gunshot.
So my neighbors on the third floor were these two college girls who always had their thug boyfriends over. One of them decided to clean his gun and "didn't know there was a bullet in the chamber" and blasted a hole through the dining room wall and into the living room next door.
...right where his neighbors heads would have been had they been sitting on their sofa.
Police were searching the woods because thug 2..decided to run. The chicks were evicted yesterday all because some homies think they Plaxico Burress.
I'm pretty sure it was either thug1 or thug2 who audio-molested me last week. I got locked out when I ran the trash to the dumpster, the stick I shoved in the door jamb broke, and it was a cold Michigan morning and I had barefeet and a tanktop on, So I was panicky and thumbing buttons on the intercom because Zac had already left for work and thus I had no one to let me in.
Finally someone answered.
"Who dis?"
Me: "Uh hey I live in apartment ----- and I accidentally locked myself out.
" Yeh? so?"
Me: "Can you let me in?"
" You gotta nice voice...but how I know you live here ho?"
Me(shivering and stamping..my toenails are turning purple..I'm seeing red.): "Ugh.. listen asshole you check the name on the mailboxes..it says ----------- and-----
" oooh you dirty, you gotta man?" listen...I letchu in, whatchu gonna do for me??"
Me: Come on dude!! I don't even got a bra on!!"
*BZZZZZZRRRT*
(door opens I run to my apartment and lock the door)
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| Questions |
[20 Oct 2009|06:26am] |
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Not Unlike the Waves-Agalloch |
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How exactly does one come across a 600lb television? And why did my boyfriend have to buy it? Are big TVs a man thing? like huge cocks are my thing...
I was tagged by akashasheiress
A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".
1. I am a recovering klepto.
2. lifting large heavy objects frightens me and oftentimes reduces me to tears..not because I can't lift them but because all I can picture is them falling on me or the person helping me and one of us getting really hurt..I also have this thing about doors.
3. I really like milk, it is my preferred beverage with meals. I'm 24 years old and I ask for milk at restaurants.
4. My older brother and I had major OCD when we were younger. Mine was checking things...like doors locked, burners off, appliances unplugged, that sort of thing...I've pretty much gotten over that..I only check things twice now then I have to force myself to walk away..My brother was a hand washer..his knuckles use to crack and bleed, He still does...which is odd because he works a Sanitation job and you know those guys get filthy..one time as a joke, Dad removed all the soap from the bathroom..Matt was pissed he started crying and screaming and swearing..Dad put it back.
5. I have an unnatural aversion to shrimp..shrimp are the maggots of the sea.
6. I have a very deep navel, almost half a q-tip can go in there.
7. Growing up among the many things not allowed in my house were Barbies, Bolgna and Sugar.
-Barbies because my mom detested them and worried it would give her daughters a bad self image and her sons a derogatory view of women.
- Bologna because it "makes you fat". I love Bologna!! NOM NOM NOM!! except the smell...The smell seems to linger on your hands even after you wash them.
- and Sugar because my 3 youngest siblings had what is called Sucrase Isomaltase Deficiency. Which basically means they could not digest table sugar. They couldn't even eat apples..it made them really sick, and since they out numbered us..it was only fair that no one got to eat sugar. Our breakfast cereal was Puffed Rice..which is exactly what it sounds like..not Rice Krispies...Puffed...Rice.
I tag lavenderspark,becki_lee,mobiusant,malfois,nondisbeliever,frankie23 and frankiemoves and salamanderdeath just because I can!! mushahaha
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| Is Bela Lugosi Still Dead? |
[15 Oct 2009|07:07am] |
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Psycho For Your Love-The meteors |
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Welcome to the GodHatesGoths.com. The Official Website of the 'Parents Against Goth' Organisation. A Peaceful Christian Organisation set-up to warn Parents and Children about the dangers of getting involved in the sinister and violent Gothic subculture. This website is the result of 10 long years of painstaking research and investigation into teen Satanism, Self-harming, Wicca, and the twisted and disturbing world of Goth.
This is an exciting time for all at PAG, This year marks our tenth anniversary, and what better way to celebrate a decade of speaking out against Satanism, helping children escape from Cults, lecturing in schools and Churches about the dangers of teen satanic culture, heavy metal, Wicca and Goth, than by firmly establishing our online presence.
But before you go any further, let's just clear up a few misconceptions you may have about what you really are -
So let's be straight here. Goths are the lowest form of human trash that has ever crawled upon this good clean earth. 'Garbage people' I call them, and I can assure you that is what they are. Freaks who worship the Devil, who take drugs and molest children, who have pre-marrital sex, who whore themselves, who are obsessed with Vampirism, and abuse handicapped kids, who promote cross-dressing and underaged homosexuality, who behave like wild violent animals that need to be put down, who cut themselves and try to get others to self harm, degrade themselves and attempt suicide and think it is acceptable behaviour. I rate them as detestable as those worthless cerebal palsy retarded creatures they plant at the entrance to Walmart, to welcome shoppers.
"Duuu... welllcuummm... too... wullmart... Duuuuu...".
Because let's face facts here, they are equally as pathetic and repulsive.
See, we are at war here. War against the Hell that Earth is becoming. Crack addicted children on the streets, the whores, vampires, Goths, the mentally handicapped,
retarded demons with spina bifida and cerebal palsy, mongeloids that behave like wild animals that are prone to sexually gratifying themselves in public, pathetic excuses for humans with brains like dogs, and homosexuals. What kind of a world is this ? That fags can marry and spread their disease ridden seed ? That is why send Aids to cure their kind. Why even now God is preparing for war. Why he sent the Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, and why he will send many many more atrocities upon this pathetic World. Because we have turned from him, and like a good father he will scold us for it.
God is angry with us. Furious that we let open Satanists walk freely among us when the Bible teaches we should be burning them, and we WILL be punished for disobeying our God. He will send calamity after calamity upon you heathens, and he will mock you when you die. Halleluja!
These are signs that the end is near, my friends. Just look at the state of our World, that we are over-run with satanic pieces of trash like you. But make no mistake, we will fight this evil head-on by any means at our disposal, with the direct blessing of God himself. Our God, who drowned the wicked world in the great flood, and spared but one man who was worthy. Our God, who cleansed the cities at Sodom and Gomorrah with fire from the skies, wiping out fags and adulterers and idolators. We are all ready and willing to die for our God. I find it quite pathetic that you are all so blind.
Goths in my opinion are more dangerous to Children than pedophiles, and need serious psychiatric help. The sooner Goths realise what they have is nothing short of mental illness, the better for everyone concerned.
What we can offer you here is ten year of experience in educating young people, such as yourself, about the dangers of the Gothic subculture, and the role that heavy satanic music plays in destroying lives (and brain-cells).
If you want to go on being lead around by your nose-rings, then ignore the message of salvation this website offers you. If you want to seek repentance and a new lease of life, that only Jesus Christ can offer you, now is your chance for recovery.
I hope you will find much comfort in the message of hope and inspiration our website offers.
Regards,
Rev RG Green
I'm pretty sure goth_goddess69 has something to say about this!!!, she'd be so pissed off..she'd say something like "i watched the crow today, as i do every day, and i did my makeup just like the crow so that one day he will come back from the dead to be with me eternally in immortal hell."
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[10 Oct 2009|09:22am] |
Dear Movie Magic and Evil Producers and shit..STOP FUCKING UP MY CHILDHOOD!
The Town of ChewandSwallow got 3 meals a day from the sky and then a giant flood came and they had to leave on big ass bread boats and adapt to a world where FOOD DOESN'T FALL FROM THE FUCKING SKY!!! THERE WAS NO MACHINE!! AND NO GODAMN MONKEY!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!! It was a good story!! why ruin it because youth of today have no imagination!! THERE'S NO WAY FOOD CAN FALL FROM THE SKY!! A MACHINE HAD TO MAKE IT!!! I feel like Annie Wilkes and you just killed my Misery, you dirty birdie.
Also..I will concede to seeing where the Wild Things are, but I will be seething if those wild things don't try to eat Max in the end. Yes they tried to eat him..not be his friends.....Rumpus!! then Cannibalism!!.
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| OkStupid. |
[08 Oct 2009|08:13am] |
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Sowilo Rune-Agalloch |
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Do I sound like a fucked up individual? I mean for real..sure I've done some fucked up shit..ok..some really fucked up shit..but do I sound like the kind of person who would entertain an e-mail from a 35 year-old Wisconsin male stating:
......"My journey of hate began when I was about 8 and my mom did some fucked up shit to me and my younger brother involving a video camera, Then her piece of shit ex-boyfriend told us we were going to get candy, so when we opened our mouths he pissed in them. So you should break down and let me talk to you".
W..T...F!!!
As heartbreakingly achingly sad as that story is, I gaped at the screen for a few minutes..contemplated what kind of person introduces themselves in such a way ....contemplated my profile, decided there is nothing contained thein that would warrant such an introduction... then I took the fast track to a possible hell and clicked the block button.Jumping Jesus on a diving board..where do these people come from??...and why do they all come to me???!.
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